stories

We carry stories of people every day. Sometimes we share them and sometimes we keep them within ourselves. Earlier in the week I had taken care of a woman as she underwent some invasive procedures to confirm that the cancer had spread to her lungs. Her husband and son remained at her bedside for most of the day, sometimes crying, sometimes silently holding her hand, sometimes gently covering her feet with the blankets. I remember thinking that she exhibited such grace while going through such difficult times. Her son came up to me today to thank me for taking care of his mother. They had placed her on hospice care and the past few days had been hard for the family. When I mentioned to him that I thought his mother exhibited such grace, he smiled and said, “Yeah, she really is elegant isn’t she? But then again, she’s my mom.” I’m always grateful for the “thank you” from patients and families because it reminds me that it’s worth it to connect past the basic necessities of the job but I also realized that those are the “thank you”s that I wish I didn’t have to receive.

I was encouraged today when driving a coworker of mine back after work. It had been a discouraging day for me. I had caught myself several times during the day inadvertently spouting sarcastic or dry comments about patients and their illnesses. I felt disconnected, one half of myself truly enjoying the people who I was caring for yet the other half saying insensitive and insincere things that I did not really feel. While we were driving after work, my coworker started sharing all the stories of the people who she’s working with. And then she said the words that I had been battling with all day but was afraid to say, “I’m always afraid I’m going to become numb.” It was so freeing to be reminded that others go through that and that years of nursing doesn’t mean that I’ll fully understand or know what to make of the things I receive in the hospital.